


Baby, don't cry.

by purpleraindr0ps



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 12:24:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18778231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purpleraindr0ps/pseuds/purpleraindr0ps
Summary: what's the point of living if all i can feel is pain?





	Baby, don't cry.

"Hyung," Jongin mutters as he stares out the foggy window at a stormy grey sky. “Have you ever wondered how it’ll be like to give everything up and just drop dead?”  
  
The sound of a pen scribbling words onto a piece of paper comes to an abrupt stop. “No,” a slight pause and the soft click of the pen. “Not really. Why? Have you?”  
  
Jongin leans forward and presses his forehead against the cool glass surface. It’s nice, he muses silently, how refreshingly cold his heated skin feels. He closes his eyes and hums an affirmative low in his throat.

  
  
“Yes, I have. Many times to be honest,” he says quietly.

  
  
Three ticks of the clock, three ticks that were amplified in the heavy silence that surrounds the two boys. Jongin feels suffocated; it’s getting hard to breathe. It always does when they’re together.  
  
Jongin counts the seconds in his head and off his trembling fingers.  _One Two Three._  
  
He inhales deeply through his nose – cool air rushing into his lungs, holds it there for another three counts _one two three_ , and exhales slowly through his mouth. The glass fogs up.  
  
The room is still eerily silent, like an abandoned graveyard, and Jongin would have thought that he’s alone if not for the invisible hand around his heart and the soft steady breathing of the older boy.  
  
He parts his dry and cracked lips. “Wouldn’t it be nice if you could just forget everything and stop feeling? All the emotions and misplaced affections, the pain and the heartbreak, wouldn’t you like to throw them all away? You’ll be so free that way, won’t you?”  
  
The voice that he hears sounds so distant - so far away, unfamiliar – like a stranger’s.  
  
Jongin senses the older boy get off the bed and make his way towards him, slow cautious steps - calculated.  _One Two Three_. He hears the muted footsteps on the carpeted floor. He cracks his eyes open – slow, deliberate.

  
“Well yeah but then you wouldn’t be able to feel happiness too. The joy of being alive, the euphoria of living, wouldn’t you miss the feeling of that?”  
  
Jongin sees the reflection of himself in the window; he sees the wry smile playing on his lips.  _That’s my hyung alright, the eternally positive unicorn._  
  
Jongin dies a little inside.  
  
He pushes away from the window and turns around. “Where’s the joy of living when all you can feel is pain? Where’s the pleasure in having a thousand ice shards piercing through your heart every fucking minute of every fucking day?”  
  
There’s an expression of utter bemusement on Yixing’s face as he looks at Jongin. “How is it even possible for someone to feel so much hurt and not be dead already?”  
  
Jongin has the sudden urge to burst out laughing. He settles for a smile instead, a smile that doesn’t reach his coal-black eyes. “That is exactly what I ask myself every single day. How am I still alive?”  
  
“I don’t get it, I don’t understand. Why-"  
  
Jongin cuts him off by barking out a laugh. “You will never understand hyung. You’re not me, you won’t get it.”  
  
A pregnant pause as the small imperceptible quirk of Yixing’s lips fades and gets replaced by a frown. “W-what are you even saying, Jongin?”  
  
The younger boy slowly gets to his feet.

  
“I’m saying hyung, everyday my heart gets beaten and mercilessly torn apart no matter where I am or what I do, and every night when I lay in bed, I pray that when sleep comes and takes me, it doesn’t give me back.”  
  
The color drains from Yixing’s face. He whispers shakily– hushed tone cutting into Jongin’s bleeding heart. “How-how can you say that so calmly?  _W-why_  are you even saying that?”  
  
A dagger drives itself into Jongin’s heart, and he lets out a scream – an earsplitting scream of pure anguish.  
  
“Because!” he shouts – painstakingly built walls breaking down, “I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t – I can’t live with the knowledge that we can never be together anymore.”  
  
“Hyung, hyung please,” he reaches out – drowning eyes looking beseechingly at Yixing. “I can’t take this anymore. It hurts – it hurts so bad when you’re right there, where I can see you, touch you, feel you, and breathe you. You’re  _right there,_  but I can’t have you. And it kills me, it  _kills_  me hyung.”

 

Yixing feels his own heart breaking when Jongin all but breaks down in front of his very eyes. Jongin, Jongin who was so strong - the unwavering pillar that he leant on, was now succumbing under pain, so much pain, and he doesn’t know what to do. Yixing feels so helpless, like he’s never felt before. He stands there, frozen to the ground.  
  
Jongin collapses to the carpeted floor, fingers clutching at his heaving chest. Breaths coming out in harsh ragged gasps, he looks up with the overflowing dark pools of his eyes and lets out a heart wrenching whimper – the small sound shooting right through to the depths of Yixing’s soul.  
  
“Make it stop hyung. I don’t want to hurt anymore. Save me.”  
  
Something within Yixing snaps, and he rushes to Jongin’s side - wrapping his arms around the trembling body. Pressing his lips to the younger boy’s forehead, Yixing whispers against the cold clammy skin as he gently rocks the boy in his embrace.  
  
“Don’t cry Jongin, don’t cry. Baby, don’t cry, please. Tell me what I have to do. I’ll do it, I promise. Just don’t cry, please.”  
  
Jongin curls his fingers into Yixing’s sweatshirt and murmurs, “Stay with me hyung, just for tonight. That’s all I’m asking, one night. Let me be selfish just this once.”  
  
Yixing bites his lower lip to prevent any sound from escaping. He buries his face into the soft strands of Jongin’s raven hair and nods.  
  
“I love you, Yixing hyung.”  
  
The older boy looks up, his vision blurring as tears start to overflow. “Jongin – “  
  
“Just tonight, just for tonight, let me love you. Please hyung, please.”  
  
Yixing tightens his hold on Jongin.  
  
“I love you too.”  
  
“You do?”  
  
A soft smile graces Yixing’s lips. “I do Jongin, I do.”

 

“Can you show me?”

  
  
The smile widens as Yixing leans forward and closes the distance between them. “I love you, Jongin,” he breathes out.  
  
Jongin’s eyes flutter shut when he feels the older boy’s lips on his.  _This is it. This is…_  
  
He opens his eyes. Yixing isn’t there anymore.  
  
Jongin’s heart clenches and a lone solitary tear falls to its death.  
  
He gets to his feet and walks over to open the windows. The cold wind hits him like whiplash. A thunderstorm is raging.  
  
A piece of paper floats in.

 

_Live and be happy for me. Live, because i love you. 我爱你.  
_

 

 __  
***  
  
  



End file.
